


Tax Benefits

by Blueberries (Blueberries_Pen)



Category: DCU, Teen Titans
Genre: Banter, Crack, Here’s something nice and fluffy to heal your heart, I feel obligated to tag that as every other fic I’ve posted has been porn, M/M, No Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Slade cares but will never admit it, Slade is an idiot but we still love him, Talkative Slade, Tsundere!Slade, tax benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:09:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21837259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueberries_Pen/pseuds/Blueberries
Summary: “So, does Batman do this often?”“Excuse me?!”“Does Batman have a habit of beating you and fucking you? Is he a child rapist, is what I’m asking?”Robin gaped at him. Slade suddenly felt profoundly awkward, but what was he supposed to do? He wasn’t a psychologist, how was he supposed to ask someone if their guardian was sexually abusing them without making it awkward?!
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Slade Wilson
Comments: 34
Kudos: 236





	Tax Benefits

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack. I didn’t put half the effort into this as I put into the other one. But still, tsundere!slade is one of my favourite tropes, so here’s a fic about him.
> 
> Enjoy ^^

Robin, after their deal, became such a surprising skittish creature that Slade instantly went on alert. The quiet was what gets to him first, how such a typically loud-mouthed child was suddenly so quiet, so compliant. At first, he had watched him warily, like a caged animal, always keeping Slade in sight and rarely speaking unless Slade directly asked a question or gave an order, careful not to set Slade off. Which was strange, considering what Slade had seen of Robin’s personality, he had anticipated a lot more impulsivity and anger.

When they first sparred, Robin had refused to make the first move instead of leaping at the chance as he was wont to do. He had been flighty, hesitant, warily testing the limits of what he was allowed to do, and it had shown in his fight. The only time he responded truly violently was when Slade had pinned him against anything– that had sent the boy’s heart rate rocketing like a rabbit. And that was when Slade began to suspect.

Later, when they had finished, Robin had been surprised. “That’s it?” He had asked, almost disbelievingly. 

He hadn’t know why the boy was so shocked. They had been sparring for a while, they were sweaty as hell, and going any longer would be bad for the boy’s health. And when he had let the boy shower alone, he had expected that the boy would take a while, but no, he was done in less than five minutes. When he had given him proper food, too, he had received a hesitant look before Robin had practically inhaled it. And later, at night, when Slade had walked him to him to lock him in, Robin had been more alert than he had been all day. 

...Slade didn’t like what the signs were implying. 

Robin tested his limits, sure, but that was more like an evaluation of what Slade would allow and what he wouldn’t than a result of Robin’s characteristic bullheadedness. After establishing those limits, Robin went back to his silent, paranoid vigilance. In the end, it had taken this:

“Robin, if I wanted a highly skilled robot, I would have built a better one instead of going to all the trouble to get you.”

Robin merely stared blankly back at him.

“...You can disagree with me, Robin.”

The boy slowly nodded. “I understand.”

Slade narrowed his eye. “What do you think will happen if you do that? Answer honestly.”

With a pained twitch, Robin answered, “...You’ll beat me up and kill my friends.”

“And what would happen after that?” Slade asked.

Robin shrugged.

_ Shrugged. _

God. This boy. Why did Slade want him again?

_ I can’t believe I’m having to say this,  _ Slade thought. “Why are you here?”

“You’re blackmailing me.”

“And what happens if the source of blackmail is gone?”

“You can’t blackmail me?”

“And that means…?”

“...”

“Robin, you bloody nitwit, if I kill your friends I’ll have nothing more to ensure you stay here.”  _ Not exactly true, but close enough.  _ “But I’m blackmailing you because you’re useful to me, and so if you don’t do what I say and are useless, then I might as well kill the Titans and get rid of an annoying problem. So the problem is: if I want to murder your team for every little infraction, I’ll lose my hold over you and if you get too disobedient, they’ll end up dead as well. But as long as you balance your usefulness with being an impudent little twat, you’re free to be a brat, understood?”

For a moment, Robin stared. Then he said, “Stop using British insults, they don’t suit you.”

Slade automatically swatted him. 

“Ah, so you’ll just use it as an excuse to only to beat me, instead of killing my friends too. How kind.”

“I’m not a teen, Robin, if I want to beat you up, I’ll beat you up. I don’t need an excuse to do so.”

“Are you sure? Because it sounds like you enjoy banter and that is such a teenager thing to do.” 

For the first time, Slade saw a smirk cross Robin’s lips, and damn if that didn’t make his heart go a little doki-doki.

—to get Robin back something resembling his former attitude, even if it was incredibly subdued. And sure, Slade only did it because it was better for Robin to express the anger and frustration he had to be feeling in small, easy to handle ways instead of letting the boy suppress it till he exploded, not because he cared about the boy (as if he were a tsundere, he scoffed) or anything, but it just wasn’t a good sign. 

None of it was.

But Slade  _ was _ going to get to the bottom of this. It might end with Robin quite possibly traumatised and broken and hating him, but it had to be done.

Which was why, this night, after he had walked Robin to his room, he didn’t go away. No, this time he locked the door behind him.

Robin the paranoid little creature, just looked resigned. “Oh.” It was said softly, plaintively. It  _ didn’t  _ make his chest go tight. It didn’t. 

“Strip,” Slade ordered. 

To his credit, Robin didn’t hesitate despite Slade’s eye still being on him. He began taking it off, not rushing, but not exactly giving a strip-tease either. When he finished, he clasped his arms behind him and stared at Slade.

“Are you going to fuck me?” 

That was… fairly blunt, but considering Slade had been leaving hints for the past few days, lingering gazes, touches that stayed just a little too long, a little more contact then sparring actually required, it wasn’t surprising Robin would conclude that.

“What do you think?” 

“And if I say no?” 

Slade tapped the pocket where he always kept the trigger.

“Oh,” Robin said, quiet and resigned. 

Slade swallowed. “On the bed, on your back.”

Robin turned, and walked towards the bed. As he reached it, before he got on, without turning to face Slade, he said softly, “Hey, Slade?”

“...What?”

“You’re a colossal asshole, but not as much an asshole as you could be. You weren’t terrible. And... you waited,” Robin’s voice dropped to barely above a whisper, “I’ll never forgive you for what you’ll do, but… I appreciate that.”

Slade was certain, had he a heart, it would be strangling him with his testicles at this moment.  _ I’m going to hell.  _ It was a thought he had sometimes, but it resounded all the more clearly as he watched Robin climb up the bed, lay back, and spread his knees, giving Slade a delightful little picture. 

It took five steps exactly for Slade to reach Robin, and another second to get on the bed, and another to straddle Robin. Now, an outsider looking in, might criticise,  _ Slade, you fucking numbskull, not only are you gross enough to want to screw a fourteen year old, but you’re idiotic enough to forget that this is the part where you have to take off your clothes too?!  _ But Slade would protest that he knew exactly what he was doing, thank you very much. So, he then leaned downward, bringing his masked face down close to Robin’s, and asked–

“So, does Batman do this often?”

“ _ Excuse me?!” _

“Does Batman have a habit of beating you and fucking you? Is he a child rapist, is what I’m asking?”

Robin gaped at him. Slade suddenly felt profoundly awkward, but what was he supposed to do? He wasn’t a psychologist, how was he supposed to ask someone if their guardian was sexually abusing them without making it awkward?! 

“I–What–No, of course not!” Robin sputtered. “Why would you even think that?”

Slade rattled of the various signs he had noticed. “...all of which has led me to conclude that you were sexually abused, most probably over a long period of time, and that the most likely candidate was Batman, what with his playboy history of being Bruce Wayne.”

“...what.”

“Hmm? Yes, I know of your identities, just didn’t think it was really relevant up till now.” 

“Oh, fuck it, this was starting to get really itchy,” Robin scowled and took off mask, revealing such pretty blue eyes. Slade would wax greek poetry about them, but he wasn’t sure if Robin would get the references. But why were they glaring at him? “Was it really that obvious?”

“...Robin, you literally thanked me for waiting until you adjusted to sexually assault you. I’m fairly certain normal people don’t do that.” 

“Oh.” An embarrassed, pitiful tone. “It wasn’t Batman,” the boy reiterated. 

“Then who was it?”

“Why the hell should I tell you?” Robin’s glare intensified.

Robin gaining a backbone was good and all, but did have to be now? This was important, damn it. “Because I doubt you’ve talked about this with anyone, and while it would be preferable for you to consult with a trained psychologist, I doubt you would be willing to do that. But you really should talk with someone, and since I’m here, it might as well be me.”

“Like you care.”

“You’re mine, Robin. I take care of what’s mine,” Slade said simply.

“Really? Or are you just angry that you weren’t the first to fuck me?” Robin asked scathingly.

“I want a useful apprentice, Robin. Whatever happened is clearly affecting you, and that can’t be allowed to happen on a mission lest you be compromised.”

“Oh?” He asked questioningly, sneering. “Then what was the point of getting me naked and on the bed with you?”

“...it seemed like a good idea at the time to get you to lower your walls so you’d answer honestly.” Slade’s voice had lowered in volume a notch, but it wasn’t because he was embarrassed by his stupidity or anything, how dare you ask.

“Wait, what? Are you  _ not _ going to fuck me?” Robin demanded.

“Not yet. If I did that now, or anytime soon, if wouldn’t have a beneficial effect,” Slade quite reasonably explained.

Robin stared at him flatly. “Beneficial effect.”

Slade nodded. “Yes. If I were to fuck you now, all that would accomplish is that you would further identify me with your abuser and become distant from me. While you have been remarkably obedient all this time, like I’ve said before, I don’t want a robot and if I were to fuck you that what I’d get, and it wouldn’t even be good little robot but a broken one. I want an apprentice, not a sex doll. The other possibility if I do that is that since I’m possibly somewhat… less cruel than your previous… ex, you would get too emotionally attached and dependant on me, and I really don’t need a needy little yandere psycho machine either.” Even if the thought of Robin getting excessively jealous over him was truly tantalising.

“...but you are going to fuck me? Eventually?”

“Well, considering what I saw of your personality when you were with Titans, you didn’t seem like the type to break easily and you seemed rather stringently bound to your principles, so I assumed you would be a lot more difficult to handle than you have been, and eventually I would have fucked you as perhaps punishment, and further down the line you would eventually start confusing physical touches for affection, and that would have made you dependent but not too dependent on me, and _ that _ would have been beneficial for this relationship.”

“So you  _ are _ going to fuck me.”

“Well, that’s unfeasible now as you are currently not ready for it,” Slade explained. “And you will possibly never be ready for it, and if that happens, I’ll just have to deal with my blue balls for eternity, because I really do want an apprentice.” Even if it would make him suffer so to see Robin’s beautiful, glorious ass go unplundered. 

“So you want to fuck me, but won’t, because… that would hurt me?” 

Slade opened his mouth object, saying he wasn’t that nice, then reluctantly closed it as he realised it was somewhat true. “...Essentially.”

“So, basically, as long as I'm not okay with it, you won’t…?”

“Yes.”

“Doesn’t that mean as long I don’t consent, you won’t fuck me?”

That was a bit of a reach, but with Robin’s condition what it was, he really wouldn’t be able accurately gauge Robin’s condition without his sayso. “Yes.”

“Are you seriously telling me, that after all the effort you went to blackmail me, you are  _ not  _ going to screw me because that would make me cuckoo and deprive you of genuine human contact? Are you seriously that lonely?”

“...’m not  _ lonely.” _

“Am I supposed to believe that you’re doing this out of the goodness of your heart, then?”

“Like I said, it wouldn’t be beneficial,” Slade insisted.

Robin looked at him with disbelief. “I fucking call bullshit. You can’t be Slade. For one, you’re being nice. For another, you’re talking too much.”

“Well how else am I supposed to effectively communicate with you?”

“...You really mean you won’t fuck me?”

“ _ Yes.”  _

“Oh,” Robin said, sounding almost…

“Are you disappointed?” Slade asked, surprised.

“If you were a total asshole I’d have an excuse to steal all your assets and dump you on in a brothel that exclusively catered to sadists on the other side of the universe, but now that you’re being almost relatively reasonable I don’t know what to do,” Robin said blankly.

“How would you–?”

“I have my methods,” Robin said ominously.

Slade blinked, then adjusted far more quickly to this development than he had any right to. “Well, now that our positions are clear, would you like to discuss your past history of horribly agonising trauma and despair with me?”

Robin snarled. “I don’t have to tell you a goddamn thing!”

“No, but you can. Who else are you going to be able to dump your viciously torrid take on without them seeing you as a victim or their perception of you being irrevocably altered to see you as something to be bundled into a blanket and forever hidden away from daylight?” Slade explained.

“Oh,” Robin said, pleasantly surprised. “Fair point. I’m gonna put my clothes on first, though. This is getting awkward with only me naked”

Slade suddenly remembered that he was pinning a naked fourteen year old to a bed. “Of course,” he said instead of suggesting he get naked too, and then scrambled to get off, but in the course of moving, Robin’s leg brushed accidentally against a rather sensitive area and–

“Are you  _ hard?”  _ The boy hissed, glaring mutinously at him.

Slade shiftily looked away. “I wasn’t gonna do anything.”

Robin narrowed his eyes at him and quickly put clothes now. “You ruined the damn mood.” 

Slade hesitated. “Would you perhaps like to redecorate a Sladebot as a lifesized effigy of your… ex and murder it dead and then burn it all the while complaining about every little thing about this person?” No, Slade was not just doing this to gain info about this person so  _ he  _ could murder them dead.

“Fuck, yes,” Robin answered with a brilliant grin.

Hah! Take that, you stupid ex! Bet Robin had never grinned so brilliantly for him. 

Wait, why was Slade so happy at that again? It was only that he was just grateful at Robin making progress so that they could have a beautiful Master-apprentice relationship okay, it’s not like he liked the kid or anything.

He  _ didn’t. _

A few weeks later, when had to choose between letting all the Titans live and losing his apprentice to his team or letting all the Titans die including his apprentice too, he had to admit that maybe he liked the kid. A little.

Wait, no, he didn’t. He only let them go because this way there would be many more opportunities to kidnap Robin and turn him into the perfect Apprentice.

Yeah.

One week later, his doorbell rang. Metaphorically. He didn’t really have a doorbell. It was more like Robin crashing through the roof of his current hideout.

“There you are,” Robin said briskly, brushing dust off his shoulders.

“Bwah?” Slade most definitely did not say. 

Robin accusingly pointed a finger at Slade. “You basically signed up to be my therapist. Don’t think you’re getting rid of me that easily,” he continued with a maniacal grin.

_ Hella cute!  _ Some part of Slade squealed, that he ruthlessly squashed. He was a mercenary, he had an image to maintain, damn it.

“Now wanna go play laser tag and rant about our exes?”

Slade accepted, but that still didn’t mean he liked the brat. This was just an opportunity to get emotionally closer to Robin so that he could better manipulate him.

Two years later, as he lazily traced circles on Robin’s back, he stood by his opinion. “I don’t like you, or anything,” he told the boy. “I’m just doing this because it’s convenient stress relief and to better emotionally tie you to me.”

Robin only lazily arched an eyebrow from where he was sprawled. “Oh, I don’t mind. I’m sure, when you finally manage to steal my heart, it will be overflowing with enough of my love that it will fill your heart, as well, yada yada yada,” he said flippantly.

And that was just ridiculously sappy, and ordinarily these kinds of things made Slade break out in hives, but for some reason, this time, it made Slade’s chest go tight instead.

Slade frowned. “I think I need to visit a cardiologist.”

Robin sighed.

Five years later, as Slade kidnapped Robin in the middle of a gala to steal him away to a quiet rooftop garden that he most definitely not arrange for himself, Slade still insisted that he meant it. “I’m not doing this because I like you,” he insisted as he shoved a ring at Robin, now Nightwing. “This is just for the tax benefits! Take it.”

Nightwing just smiled, and for some reason, looked like he was about to laugh. “You know, Slade, there might be no way for you to make me your apprentice, but, somehow, I don’t think I’m going to mind a bit being your husband.” 

_ Being your husband.  _ The words resounded in Slade’s head over and over, and it suddenly hit Slade that Nightwing was going to become his  _ husband.  _

His brain short-circuited, going blank for a minute, and if asked later, he would deny to his dying breath that he woke up with his head in Nightwing’s lap and surrounded by a ring of flowers, wearing matching flower crowns.

Another year later, when in response to Nightwing kissing him goodbye and his “Love you, bye!” he reflexively replied, “Love you too,” he finally had to admit that maybe he liked Nightwing. Just a little. Maybe he was the teensiest bit emotionally compromised when it came to him.

...Nah, he was just really enjoying the tax benefits. Really.

And the sex.

And having someone to rely on.

And Nightwing’s sappy puns. 

And the cute way he’d light up whenever he saw Slade.

And the little magnets that they brought back from their travels that decorated their fridge.

And the way Nightwing would just curl up against him as they watched a movie.

And the way his words could drown out any other sound.

And the way he said, “I love you.”

...Maybe they could keep saying I love you. They were just three little words, but they made both of them enormously happy, so it was highly effective as a tool of manipulation. Yeah. He’d keep saying that.

Honestly.

The things he did for tax benefits.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t be like Slade, kids. Express your love through kudos and comments <3


End file.
